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I got a little history song for ya |
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Ya ready? |
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You’re gonna love this one |
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This is a story you need to hear |
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You can hear it while you’re drinking your fifteenth beer |
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It’s a woeful tale of intrigue and romance |
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It’s a story of how the Wild West grew |
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And I swear every word is partly true |
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This one’s about me and the hole that was in my pants |
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Everybody laughed when I walked to and fro’ |
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Just why they were laughing I never did know |
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’Til one day I passed a mirror just by chance |
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I seen my reflection in the looking glass |
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And to my great surprise just below my ass |
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Was a big ole ripped out gaping hole in my pants |
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Now if I had had a pair to spare |
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I’m sure I might’ve found something different to wear |
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But I happened to have just returned from a trip to France |
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And I packed pretty light so there was nothing more |
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I could do that day then try to ignore |
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The fact that I had a big ole hole in my pants |
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For a while things seemed to be going fine |
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’Til some joker made cracks and folks got in line |
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And the joker was joined by a pack of sycophants |
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They hooted and hollered and pointed and poked |
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And it wasn’t too long ’til I was sick of their jokes |
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Their jokes on account of the hole in my pants |
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Well I was pretty steamed and I put up my dukes |
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I was ready to take on all of them kooks |
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When out the corner my eye this girl gave me a glance |
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To say she looked good barely hits the truth |
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Coulda made a Lincoln lover out of John Wilkes Booth |
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And best of all she had a hole in her pants |
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You wanna hear more? |
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Well then show me your drawers |
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Not you! |
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Well this girl and me got together you see |
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And everyone around could tell that we were tighter than Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance |
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Folks she was my queen and I was her king |
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And far from it being a negative thing |
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It was mighty useful to have holes in our pants |
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You know what I mean? |
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Yeah I thought you did |
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Well first then one, then two, then four, then eight |
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Then everyone had holes in their pants it was great |
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Shoulda seen it man, the whole town started to dance |
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Now you probably figured out if you concentrated |
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That that’s how the wild west got populated |
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And it all began with a hole in my pants |
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I’m just about finished and I mean right now sir |
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With a song about the big hole in my big trousers |
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Pants and holes and I feel like I’m in a trance |
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And the moral of the story, the moral of the song |
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Is maybe we’d all just get along |
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A whooooole lot better if we all had holes in our pants |
