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作曲 : John Mulaney |
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ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken:I'll sing a song about karmic wrath |
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How I lost my eye because I didn't know math! |
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(sung) I was born in Nola but then we had to flee |
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Police were searching everywhere for a fella named Daddy |
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I'm the child of a con man and a saintly mama |
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We fled for Chicago with nothin' but pajamas |
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If you don't see how algebra will save your eye |
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I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why |
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If you don't see how algebra will save your eye |
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Just keep listenin' and I'll tell you why |
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By age 13, I was weary of school |
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Thought doing your homework was the work of a fool |
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Drop out in a flash and, abracadabra |
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No more reading, no more algebra |
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There's a high on the world and he wanted to join |
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Throw the passion, fashion, cash an' coin |
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If you have pocket change, shake shake shake |
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(MULANEY, spoken: I have coins up on the dresser) |
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My principal was a hundred and four |
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Folks said she was a witch, hair down to the floor (Wa doo) |
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She cackled through a cigarette and said to me |
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"Not knowing algebra will change the way that you see!" |
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(MULANEY, spoken: I got the change!) |
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(ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken: Too late!) |
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You're starting to see how algebra will save your eye |
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It's clear as the sky, no need to clarify (No no no) |
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But if you still don't see how algebra will save your eye |
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Just keep listenin' and I'll tell you why (Whoa, whoa) |
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MULANEY, spoken: Hey there, tutor |
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ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken: Yes, that's me |
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MULANEY, spoken: What's it like with only one eye to see? |
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ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS, spoken: With only one eye, I can never look twice |
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MULANEY, spoken: But when you buy a pair of shades, they're always half-price! |
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*laughs* |
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ANDRÉ DE SHIELDS: I was out in the world, my school day's over (Were over) |
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Working for a wealthy woman as her chauffeur (A chauffer) |
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Her husband always traveled and she craved relations |
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She didn't care that I didn't know equations |
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'Till the day the husband came lookin' for his wife (Wa ooh) |
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With a jealous heart and an eye-poking knife (Wa ooh) |
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Madam thought fast, she said, "Pretend you were |
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Over in the house as a math tutor." |
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The husband comes in, said, "I hear you know math." |
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I'm as naked as a baby in a bath |
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He wrote a problem and I got scared |
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If B is three, what is AX squared |
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I took my pencil from the man and did my best (Wa ooh) |
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I drew a stick figure of a lady with breasts (Wa ooh) |
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He was not amused, threw me 'gainst the wall |
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And pointed his knife at my eyeball! |
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But then the phone rang that was next to the bed |
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The husband picked it up and found that Princess Di was dead |
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And in the commotion |
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Oh, the emotion |
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I escaped with both eyes intact |
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A ta, a ta, a twelve five nine |
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So now you see that algebra will save your eye |
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My story makes sense, on that you can rely. (No no no) |
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You're not confused how algebra relates to my eye |
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I solved for X (Solve for X) and now you better solve for Y |
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Ba ba ba bada ba |
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Ba ba bada ba |
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Algebra song |
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Vamp, vamp, vamp, vamp |
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Vamp! |
